You don’t know what you don’t know

A good friend of mine, a brother really, was teaching his middle school class when a student made a comment that almost made the angry Soldier come out.

“You’re so lucky, Major.”

What followed was an immediate cessation of the discussion at hand, and an impromptu, yet needed, correction. The boy, like many who are in their preteen/teen years, was jealous of the freedom that Maj. Short enjoyed. He had the funds, the time, and the freedom to choose how he wanted to live his life. What the young fellow didn’t understand, and frankly couldn’t have understood at that juncture, was all of the suffering, pain, stress, and turmoil that the Major had to persevere through or triumph over in order to get to that point in his life.

The boy incorrectly assumed that the Major was, or had to have been, lucky in order to enjoy the life he currently lived. What I hope he learned that day from some pointed instruction, was that the he should not expect to grow up and simply, by some stroke of luck, be successful or find himself in a life like the Major’s through chance. If he listened, he should have come away from that lesson with at least some better clarity as to the importance of strength, determination, grit, and hard work to make a life for yourself, and your family, that you can enjoy.

While I admittedly only heard about this second hand, I applaud the effort, and hope that more adults take the time to have these important conversations to help the next generation not fall blindly into the truth of the hardships life will present, but be prepared for them, if just intellectually. I would also add to this the element of Grace.

There, but for the grace of God, go I

Grace, the unmerited gift of God, is an active if not overarching component to the accomplishment of man. It can been seen in both success and failure, that is, success and failure as we see them. When the tide of our battle is against us, it is grace that results in an unexplained turnaround and victory. Likewise, grace can be seen (in hindsight) after doing everything right for that class, test, promotion, interview, etc., only to fail. That last one is a harder pill to swallow than the first. It is easier to consider that a victory taken from the jaws of defeat can be a gift from God than doing everything right only to have it fail in the end. Let me give you an example of what I mean by this.

It was through no lack or effort or ability that I was fired not long after getting married and having my first daughter. I wouldn’t have agreed with myself back then, but in 1999, by the grace of God, I had a good job, got married, had our first child, started paying down my debts, and was fired. Yes, that last part was also by the grace of God.

My wife and I had moved in together in ’98, and we were engaged. My faith and dedication to God had been recently restored, mostly thanks to the Holy Spirit working through my soon to be wife. That doesn’t mean that either of us were perfect. Being a Christian isn’t about being perfect – it actually starts by knowing you’re not perfect. We were living together, and before we were able to get married, we became pregnant. So, in March of ’99 we were married and in April we were blessed with a healthy baby girl.

That’s when the rug was pulled out from under us

In July of that same year, I was fired. No warning. Just a, “I need you to come to my office. Things aren’t working out. Clear out your desk. Today is your last day working here.” Again, I won’t go into the details. Suffice it to say that I was over-performing for my position and committed to the company. In case you have never been there, there is a real and physical pain that is caused by a psychological and emotional gut punch like that.

It was a long bus ride and walk home that day carrying a small box of my belongings home to tell Rita. After the anger and the tears had subsided – a little – I asked for more hours from my part-time job and immediately started hitting the pavement with a folder full of resumes. I spent weeks sending out resumes, filling out applications, looking my best for interviews. I was sure a couple of them would pan out, but I was wrong.

We didn’t have any savings to speak of, and I was not making near enough to cover our bills. Instead of robbing Peter to pay Paul, we were robbing them both to put cheap food on the table, while also taking any food assistance wherever we could. More than a few times, I felt ashamed to go to the food bank, but that shame wouldn’t overcome my dedication to taking care of my wife and baby. Any savings on food went into getting me to work and around the city to apply for jobs.

To be fair, many of my friends sent me letters and care packages, but it was Rita that I would spend my free time and my money writing or calling at the MWR tents. I spent so much money on calling cards just to talk to her while I was deployed. But she had not yet been a military spouse, so neither of us really knew what this would be like.

After speaking to the Army recruiter, and hearing my only option was to re-enlist Infantry, Rita simply said, “No.” She had been scared enough when I deployed while we were friends. A couple days later, after my first visit to the Navy recruiter, I told her that there were a bunch of jobs that were not combat or even combat support. They even had jobs for Navy Journalists, which is similar to what I did in the Kentucky Army National Guard. A couple of days later, I was scheduled to go to the MEPS station to do my full physical, find out what jobs they had open, and join the Navy, but my wife gave me one condition before I left: When you come home, you either tell me you signed up as a Journalist, or that you didn’t sign up.

I argued this with her. Having a steady job that pays the bills and has benefits is the most important thing. Taking care of my family is more important than the job I do. I promised her that I wouldn’t take anything combat related, but it was the Navy or poverty – and poverty wasn’t an option. She stuck to her guns and told me that the only job I was allowed to take was Journalist, period.

I went to the MEPS station still not sure. The whole drive up to Columbus, I was going over that argument. It wasn’t until I arrived that I had decided to do this her way. The biggest problem with her way was, that’s not how enlisting works. A young man or woman doesn’t get to dictate the job they want. They get to choose the best from the options available, and hope that the job they want is one of those available. You take what you can get. But for me, once the physical was completed, I walked in to the recruiter’s office with only two options: Journalist or nothing.

In the Navy, Journalist is one of the jobs with the fewest positions available. There is always a need in the Navy for more Boatswains Mates, Machinists, Hull Technicians, Aviation Ordnanceman, Personnel Specialists, Corpsmen, and Quartermasters. Finding one of those other jobs when first enlisting isn’t that difficult. However, there are so few positions for Journalists (or Mass Communication Specialists as they are called now) that enlisting into this career field is hard to get.

I was offered less than a dozen positions, and a few with monetary sign-up bonuses as the Navy needed these positions more than others. What I was not offered, to no surprise, was Journalist. I asked specifically for that, and was told no positions for that job were available. Then I had a thought. Instead of simply coming home empty handed, maybe I could come home with a plan for how to make this happen.

I am not a negotiator

I cannot haggle my way out of a paper bag. I’m not the person you want to take car shopping or buying a house, or any purchase where the price may be negotiable. I tend to point out all the great things about the item or service, often before the sales person does, and I feel awkward asking, suggesting, or demanding a lower price. I’ve known this about myself for a very long time. So, when I was being told all the wonderful things about the jobs the recruiter was offering, I was thinking about how this one or that one sounded good. That is why my response to him was surprising, especially to me.

Me: Those sound good, but I want to be a Journalist.
Recruiter: We don’t have that available now.
Me: Ok, when should I come back for that?
Recruiter: What?
Me: If you don’t have any available now, when will they become available? Beginning of next month? Next quarter? Next fiscal year? When will those jobs post, so I can come back then?

That’s when he did a strange thing. He picked up his phone, had a short conversation that I cannot recall, hung up, and said he can give me Journalist. What I didn’t realize back then was, at that moment, God was moving for my good.

God’s answer to prayer

It was, as I said, a high school dream to grow up to be a writer, and after many years, it was a dream I had all but forgotten. I definitely didn’t expect God, in the midst of my efforts to simply provide for my family in a fashion that would please Him, to make my childhood desire an actual occupation. All I wanted was a job I didn’t hate, that would pay the bills and maybe a little more to dote on my wife and children. Then, in the midst of God actively blessing me and moving me towards my dream job, I acted like a child throwing and tantrum while being unwillingly carried from something I liked to something I loved.

My behavior during this process was a demonstration of my ignorance, not of defiance. I had not long before returned to my faith in Christ and my relationship with him was still that of one getting reacquainted with an old friend that I had stopped talking to years and years ago. I didn’t know what it looked like when God moved. I didn’t want to leave Him or end the relationship, but I was angry because I thought He was getting in my way of doing something good. Man, did I have a lot to learn, and a lot of growing to do.

Growing in Christ

Young Christians need a lot of grace, attention, compassion, forgiveness, and patience. I said earlier that I was ignorant when God yanked the rug out from underneath me, and that is all it was – ignorance. This isn’t a bad thing. It is simply a lack of knowledge or experience. Young Christians don’t know. And they don’t know that they don’t know. They will have struggles, questions, and even get angry with God. These too are not bad things. It is all a part of growing in faith and knowledge of God. What is important is that they keep firmly planted in the love God has for them through it all, for it is that love that will reinforce their love and faith in Him.

After the most recent big change in my life that God led my wife and I into and through, we landed at a job completely across the country, away from our grown children (who are off and making a life of their own), living in an apartment, and going to a church we knew nothing about. The work was a hard shift for me. Living in an apartment was difficult for me and my wife. Being so far from our daughters was very, very difficult for us.

At the new church we were attending, the young pastor there confidently gave me some terrible advice. After hearing my story, he told me it was time that I stopped moving around and put down some roots. I heard this a few times from him. It didn’t sit right with me, so, as I do out of habit now, I talked to God about this advice.